“Likely neurodivergent, so a natural at being a bit awkward,”
I jokingly wrote in the draft of a recent bio update.
It got me thinking about the word ‘awkward,’ so I looked it up. The dictionary says:
“Difficult; hard to deal with.”
“Lacking skill, dexterity, social grace, tact, manners.”
“Embarrassing. Inconvenient. Untoward.”
Wow. I thought of ‘awkward’ as a kind of cute, adorable discomfort in social situations.
In the past, all that would have made me feel judged. Like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing ‘being a human’ right.
But I know better now, since I’ve learned to question everything, rather than just myself.
What if my awkwardness isn’t wrong?
What if my awkwardness is actually an appropriate response to things that are normalised in our neurotypical society?
Things like inauthentic behaviour, vague communication, shallow conversations, meaningless small talk, and lack of real connection?
So then, why should *I* be the one to mask? Why should *I* be the one to conform to avoid making people uncomfortable?
Damn right I’m difficult and hard to deal with.
Hell yeah I’m deliberately uncooperative.
You bet I lack social grace and tact.
And I can’t wait to see how much more inconvenient and untoward I can get.
I’m not the one who should be changing. Society should.